Nevzorov: After Dmitry Donskoy’s “tour,” the losses of Muscovite terrorists tripled

In July 2026, while the Archangel Cathedral in the Kremlin was being restored, the relics of Dmitry Donskoy were found, and already in September the reliquary containing the holy relic was sent to the front — “for the spiritual strengthening” of the Muscovite terrorists. Publicist Alexander Nevzorov responded to this with grotesque humor: he describes an imaginary investigation into why, after every prayer service, things go worse for the occupiers:

— A major scandal has erupted over the relics of Prince Dmitry Donskoy. They have been taken to the “special military operation” zone. The relics were assigned the task of “fully contributing to the military successes of the Muscovite terrorists.”

However, an analysis by the Main Analytical Directorate of the terrorists of Muscovy clearly shows that after every show involving the relics, “the position of the Muscovite terrorist horde did not improve, but deteriorated.”

Indeed, the consequences of the princely skeleton’s tour are tragic.

Everywhere it has already “performed,” collecting little kisses and candle offerings, losses in personnel have tripled, while equipment losses have increased fivefold.

The generals naturally began to wonder: “Whose side is this prince working for?”

Areas that have been prayed over with the relics are subjected to especially fierce drone strikes by Uncle Madyar.

After the prayer services with the relics, desertion in the units goes through the roof. Discipline is also collapsing: the chain of command in the units ceases to function altogether.

The facts have already formed a highly unpleasant picture.

The question arose of getting to the bottom of the relics’ true nature—that is, conducting a series of interrogations.

Terrorists from the “FSB” conducted the first interrogation under duress.

The methods—yes, they were harsh.

In such cases, bone resorption is unavoidable.

The classic mixture of nitric and sulfuric acids, with “hydrochloric” thrown in as well, makes the relics of those who were known as passion-bearers during their lifetimes scream.